This episode of Startup Daddy,  I talk about one of the challenges I have been facing getting my new business going.  Starting a business with young children in your life is hard. Period.  Hopefully, by talking about some of my challenges, I can encourage some of you, to push through your challenges, and not give up.

I get more personal than I usually do, and talking about something that is holding you back is always a little scary.  It is also cathartic.  Just putting this out there has already helped refocus my energy on my goals.

I want to hear from you, so I leave you with a question.  What are you struggling with right now?  Whether it falls under balancing family life with getting things done for your business, or something with the business itself, let me know.

Trust me, it does help to talk about this stuff, so let’s talk about it in the comments.

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In this episode of Startup Daddy I have a conversation with Marc Warnke,  author of ONO: Options Not Obligations.   A few months ago Marc popped up on my radar as he was promoting his book.  What made me stop and take notice was his concept of the Family First Entrepreneur.  This has been the way I approach my business since my daughters were born, I just didn’t have a name for it.

We talk about the entrepreneurial mindset, the importance of teaching your children about basic business concepts, and what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur and keep your family your number one priority.

Marc was kind enough to offer a 30% discount when you order his book using promo code RADIO at ONOBook.com

Here are some links to find out more about Marc.

MarcWarnke.com
FamilyFirstEntrepreneur.com

Download the Mp3 for this episode

Last year my wife and I packed up our family and moved to Toronto.  We didn’t have any grand expectations of a better life, we just wanted our kids to grow up near the huge extended family that was waiting for us here.  I have to admit that the transition has been harder for me than I anticipated.  I am a proud, fly the flag on July 4th American, but it wasn’t even the whole living in another country thing.

I have spent a lot of time and energy focusing on why it’s not better here than back in Scottsdale, AZ.  It seems that every other week some group goes on strike.  Off the top of my head these people have gone on strike in the last year: Transit Workers, Garbage Collectors, Parks & Recreation Workers, College Professors, EMS (that’s the paramedics), and the people that issue Drivers Licenses.  Many of these strikes made things very unpleasant (especially the Garbage Collectors).  In the thirteen years we lived in Arizona, I can’t remember anyone going on strike.  Ever.  And don’t get me started on the weather downgrade.

The thing is, I am trying to be more positive about things.  Monday is Canadian Thanksgiving, so I have been thinking about why I am thankful that we moved to Toronto.  I want to stop comparing Scottsdale to Toronto, or thinking about why one is better or worse than the other.  I want to just start concentrating on why it’s great HERE.  Here’s my top ten reasons I’m thankful to be living in Canada.

1. I have to start with family.  Our daughters have family coming out of their ears here.  Not just the Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and Cousins, but when you factor in the close friends with kids our age we definitely got what we came here for.  We had lots of friends back in Scottsdale, but there is nothing like a holiday with a house full of kids running around screaming and playing to remind you of what’s important.
2. The ROM (Royal Ontario Museum).  My daughter loves this museum, and why wouldn’t she?  Among other things, you can see dinosaurs AND mummies from Egypt, and they have stuff kids can actually touch and play with.
3. The Ontario Science Center.  Awesome science museum and they have a huge machine that makes your hair stand straight out.
4. You can take the subway downtown to see a ballgame, and feel safe.  Miami (where I grew up) and Scottsdale have horrible public transportation so this is new to me.
5. When I took my daughter to a Blue Jays game, they let the kids run the bases after the game.  I have a picture of my daughter at home plate at the Rogers Center.  How cool is that?
6. On the rare occasion when my wife and I venture out, there are some great restaurants here.
7. America may be the “great melting pot” but this is truly the most multicultural city I have lived in, and I have lived in more than a few big cities.  I love that my daughters will grow up surrounded by all of the different cultures that live together here.  Acceptance and tolerance of “other cultures” is not an issue.  The way it seems to me, no one culture here considers any other the “other” culture.
8. The people here for the most part, are just plain nice.  There are A-holes wherever you go, but all in all, a down to earth nice group of folks.
9. I can’t leave out the free health care.  It cost us more than $20,000 out of pocket when we had our second daughter.  Long story short, health insurance was a total nightmare for us.  This is not a little plus, it’s a huge one.
10. Did I mention family?  My wife and kids are the most important forces in my life.  The kids will have a better life here, surrounded by the love and support of their family.  That’s what really matters right?

What about you?  If you live in Canada, you’ve probably been here longer than me. Why are you thankful to call it home?  If you live somewhere else, why are you thankful to be there?

Not my daughter ↑

My baby is a sales rock star.  It’s next to impossible to say no to her.  Now this isn’t a talent exclusive to my baby, but she reminded me of some very important sales principals this morning, and I want to share them with you.

She kept mom and me up most of the night, and was really cranky this morning.  So basically a typical morning so far.  It’s how she closed that impressed me.

After the hustle and screaming and throwing bananas that takes place on a typical morning, the baby stopped time.  I gave her a kiss goodbye and turned to leave, and she came running back at me saying, “Kissie.”  I know.  She does this a lot.  She’s very cute.  We went back and forth like this a few times, and I ended up leaving in a FAR better mood.  It reminded me that it is the last impression, the last interaction that is the most important.

So what makes my daughter such a sales rock star?

• She gives you her undivided attention every time she speaks to you, and expects the same of you.  She’s never distracted by a Blackberry, or cell phone, or twitter.
• When she wants something, she asks for it directly (Okay, demands it).  No beating around the bush, or subtle hints.
• She is genuinely interested in your happiness.   Seeing you happy makes her happy.
• She is persistent.  Do you think SHE gives up if she doesn’t get a yes right away?
• She knows how to close!  She establishes rapport, asks for the sale, lets you know why it’s in your best interest to give her what she wants, and stops selling when she gets a yes.

There are teachers everywhere if you look for them, and my daughters teach me every day.  I am truly blessed and thankful for such wonderful teachers.

My oldest daughter turned 6 on Friday.  The simple fact that my daughter, my my wife and I have survived for the last six years with our physical and mental well being reasonably intact, is more than an enough reason for a celebration complete with balloons and cake.  However, this day marks another milestone too.  It is the sixth anniversary of my becoming a daddy-preneur.  For last six years I have struggled and rejoiced over the challenges and joys that come with being an entrepreneur and starting a family.  Yes, the challenges have been many and some very large, but I have also experienced more and greater joy than I had previously thought possible.

I thought I was a good negotiator.  I’ve closed huge business deals with nothing short of my financial well-being in the balance, and I’ve bought and sold used cars, and 2 houses.  None of that compares to dealing with a melt-down in the middle of a crowded grocery store, or getting my daughter to eat more broccoli.  Kids don’t need be taught the art of the counter offer, it comes as naturally as breathing.

I thought I’d had some tough encounters with former bosses and important clients.  Then I had the pleasure of talking about money with my wife when neither of us had slept in weeks.  Good times.  I have had some pretty great moments in my life, but when I made my daughter belly laugh for the first time I saw the true definition of joy.

I thought I knew what tired meant.  I don’t need to expand on this.

We are friends with couples that have kids close in age to ours, and some of the other dads have their own businesses too.  There is a bond we share.  We have a mostly unspoken understanding of each other’s sacrifice and it’s payoff.  I see the other daddy-preneurs at the school events during work hours, the birthday parties, at McDonald’s on a Sunday morning.  I’m sure they would all agree how amazing it is that we have created  this for ourselves.

I know there are a lot of mommies out there that do the same thing, and more.  I have nothing but respect for you, because in many ways, you have a more challenging path.  I know this is true of my wife.  But not being a mom, I can’t speak to that.  You could ask my wife, but she’d probably have to get back to you because she is very busy.

I won’t say how lucky we are, because this does not happen by shear luck.  You have to work at it.  When you set out to create a lifestyle that provides enough time to enjoy and participate in your children’s lives and enough income, you are setting a pretty high bar.  So far I have been able to do that, and I do not take any of it for granted.  I appreciate every day I get to have this, because you never know what tomorrow brings.

Parenting is a challenge, at least good parenting is.  Starting and running a business is a challenge.  Doing both at the same time, might be the definition of insanity.  I could not imagine having it any other way.

I have come to realize that there is a huge difference between a father and a daddy.  I had a father, I’m trying to be a daddy.  So just for fun, here are a few differences between a father and a daddy:

A father changes a diaper by yelling, “Hon, the baby needs to be changed!”
A daddy can change a diaper while talking on the phone, and go right back to eating a sandwich.

A father still watches 2-3 football games every Sunday, in their entirety, LIVE!
A daddy thinks whoever invented TIVO should win the Nobel Prize.

A father looks like a deer in headlights when he hears, “I need to run out, you watch the kids for a while.”
A daddy enjoys being left alone with the kids because he can play with his kids while surfing the web and watching Sports Center.

A father can answer questions about the government and the stock market.
A daddy can also answer, “Who do we ask for help, when we don’t know which way to go?” and “Can We Build it?” (For the fathers, The map and YES, WE CAN!)

To a father, making lunch means opening a can of Spaghetti-Os or frozen pizza.
To a daddy, well this one’s a push.  Forget it.

To a father, a peaceful quiet moment actually requires Quiet and Peacefulness.
To a daddy, a peaceful quiet moment can include kids screaming and the lights and sounds of kids toys that make Times Square look tame, as long as he can sit on the couch and especially if he can watch a few minutes of Sports Center.

A father talks to his kids at dinner and might know the name of their kid’s best friend.
A daddy not only knows his kid’s friends, he knows which ones to stay clear of on the playground, and which one’s parents to stay clear of at birthday parties.

A father thinks the best thing he can do for his family is work hard and make as much money as he can so he can provide a nice home for his family and his children will have everything they need and most of what they want.

A daddy gets that, but he thinks the most important thing he can do for his family is to be present in his children’s lives and participate in forming the way they look at the world.

I’m trying real hard to be a daddy.  I don’t catch every big moment, but I get to see more than most, and that makes me pretty lucky. What about you?  Leave a comment and tell me what you think.

Tomorrow is Halloween, and at our house that is a pretty big deal. My oldest daughter (who would be proud to tell you she is five and three quarters) is totally into it. That makes it a lot more fun for my wife and me. She decided what she wanted to be months ago, and has been wearing her witch costume around the house for weeks now. They say that the money Americans spend on Halloween is second only to Christmas. Are you kidding me?! Let me say that again for the entrepreneurs- In America, Halloween is the second largest retail holiday-  It is second only to Christmas.

This isn’t going to be about making money on Halloween, but the business coach in me couldn’t resist passing that little hint along to anyone who is looking for ideas. This is going to be about the opposite.  This is going to be about things you can do to make tomorrow special, without spending a lot of money.

When I was young, we didn’t have a lot of money; certainly not enough to spend on decorations and costumes.  My mom didn’t have a lot of free time either, being a single mom with three kids and a full time job, and all.  My mom still managed to make things special on Halloween.  Here are some fun, easy things you can do to make tomorrow fun.  They won’t take a lot of time or money.

1. First, make a special breakfast.  That picture above was my daughter’s breakfast this morning.  I made it from a frozen pancake and a banana, and it took all of two minutes (including the 45 seconds to cook the pancake).  You can do the same with a frozen waffle. You can also do something fun like put a couple drops of food coloring in their milk or juice and make a witches brew for them to drink.
2. Get a Halloween shape cookie cutter, and use it on a sandwich for their lunch.  Peanut butter and jelly works great for this, but I have done it with deli sandwiches too (you just have to push a little harder).  My daughter loves eating her pumpkin sandwiches.  You can find these cheap and easy at just about any grocery store.
3. Let your kids draw some Halloween pictures and put them all over your house to decorate for the big night.  This really gets them (and you) into the spirit of things and it gives them something to do while you make dinner or carve the pumpkin or whatever.
4. Let them decorate a pumpkin.  Pumpkins get real cheap today and tomorrow, and I buy a few small ones and let my daughter decorate them.  If you are anything like us, you have some art supplies around the house and if not, the dollar store is a great place to stock up.  A little paint, a little glue and glitter, etc., and you have a project!
5. Just stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy some Halloween cookies or some other special treat for dessert tonight.

These are just a few quick ideas to get your mind working.  Halloween can be a lot fun, especially if you have young children.  You don’t have to spend a lot of time or money to make things special, you just have to get a little creative.  So give some of these a try, and let me know how things go.  Also, if you have any cheap and easy ideas you want to share, please leave a comment and share them here.

Thanks, and Happy Halloween!

If you’re worried that you don’t spend enough time with your children, you’re not alone. If your worried that starting a new business will take up the little free time you have, and you won’t have any time left over to be a good dad, you’re not alone. Let’s face it. It isn’t easy being a successful business owner, or a successful anything, and a good dad.  If you’re like most dads I know, you leave for the office early in the morning and by the time you come home, the kids are either already asleep or almost there.  Even if they’re wake, you’re so tired you just want to go to a quiet room and chill.  I know this, because once upon a time, this was me.  That is why I can promise you that it doesn’t have to be that way.  This about me confronting the reality that my baby girl didn’t know me, and what I did to fix it.

When my oldest daughter was about a year and a half old, I was going through a difficult time with my business.  I had grown my business to the point where I needed help to get all of the work done, and I hired an assistant.  I spent a lot of time and money training this person, and just as I was entering into my busiest time of the year, they up and left me.  No notice, just didn’t show up. There was no time to get anyone else up to speed, so it was early to the office and late nights for couple months.  I’m talking in the office by 7 am, and there until after 10 pm.  I was hating life, and to make things worse, I suddenly realized that my daughter couldn’t possibly know who I was.

Don’t get me wrong, I was there for all the “big things.”  First steps, first words, all the great moments.  But she was just a baby after all, and she had no way of remembering what was happening when she was 6 months old. At a year and a half old, her world started a month ago, and I wasn’t spending enough time around her.  Of course she knew who I was, she knew I was her dad.  I mean she didn’t know me any more than some of our friends who would come around a lot, and this realization crushed me.  I had to make a change.

I also made some changes in the way I do business that will never put me in that position again, but that is for another post.  This is about the changes I made to get to know my daughter, and get her to know me.  I started doing some things that took very little time, but allowed us to really connect.  It made a huge difference in my life, because by prioritizing my family over my business, I realized I was able to have both.  My work still manages to get done, and my daughter and I now have a close, strong relationship (that will last until she is a teenager, and stops talking to me altogether).

So here is a list of ten things, in no particular order, that I do to spend time with my daughters ( I have 2 now) and you can do, to get to know your kids- and get them to know you.

1. Make breakfast. Every morning, I make breakfast.  Now we’re not talking Belgian Waffles and Eggs Benedict here, we’re talking cereal, frozen waffles, yogurt, anything easy.  We go nuts on the weekends, but during the week, I have coffee and sit at the table and spend a little time with my oldest daughter. The baby will join this ritual when she gets a little older.  We have some of our best talks at breakfast.
2. Go to breakfast. Similar to number 1, but my wife likes this one even more.  This is a weekend thing, and a lot of fun for my daughter.  Did you know that you can go to McDonald’s and get scrambled eggs, pancakes, sausage, hash browns, and coffee for under $5?  My wife deserves some quiet time  too, and I am glad to be able to make that happen now and then (as long as the baby cooperates).
3. Bath time. My oldest is too old for this now, but when she was younger, I made sure that even if I missed dinner, I was home in time to give her a bath.  I’m starting to do this with our baby now, and I have to admit, it’s a blast.  She loves the bath, and it makes it easy to play and laugh together.  No matter how bad your day was, I dare you not melt when your kid laughs hysterically.
4. Take walks. My oldest and I take a walk around the block every night after dinner, weather permitting.  Just around the block.  It only takes 15 minutes, but it’s another great chance to talk about what’s going on in her life.
5. Read a bedtime story. Reading to your kids is so important for so many reasons.  My daughter loves books, and I think one of the reasons is that my wife and I have been reading to her since she was in the womb.  It’s great for babies too, because let’s face it, it’s hard to think of things to do with your baby.  Reading is always a winner.
6. Cook with your kid. This is not a daily thing for us, but it’s a lot of fun.  You don’t even really need to know how to cook to do this.  I’ll let her crack and beat the eggs, if I make an omelet.  I let her roll some store bought dough, and we make pizza.  I let her roll a hot dog in some crescent roll dough and throw it in the toaster oven.  Let them make a mess and have some fun.
7. Take your kid on errands with you. I don’t suggest taking them to wait in line for an hour at the Post Office, but a grocery run is fine.  You’re not going to set any records for speed or efficiency, but if you can spare an extra few minutes to get things done, it’s a great chance to get out of the house with your kid.  It’s also a great excuse to come home with S’mores Pop Tarts.
8. Make a date with your kid. Almost every week, I take my oldest daughter on an outing.  When the baby gets older, she’ll join us.  I make a point not to do it on the same day or time, because that kind of structure can be limiting.  It can just be a day at the park, or something like the zoo or the science museum.  You don’t have to spend a lot of money, but spending some one on one time with your kid, doing things they really enjoy, goes a long way.
9. Let them help you with your home repairs. Common sense please.  My daughter doesn’t handle the power tools yet, but she can hold and hand me a screw or screwdriver, as good as anyone.  Again, it takes longer to do everything, but life doesn’t always have to be about how fast.  When you see the pride your kid feels when they help you fix something or put something together, you’ll see why this is worth the extra time.  And hey, my wife still might have trouble telling a Phillips from a Flathead screwdriver, but my 5 year old has it down cold.
10. Talk. All of these things are fun, but all you really have to do to get to know your young kids, and get them to know you, is talk.  Every day. Ask your kid what they did that day, and listen to the answer.  If they see you are listening and paying attention, they’ll talk to you.  If your kid is anything like mine, you won’t be able to get them to stop talking.

I know that it won’t be long before my kids will stop wanting to spend time with me and stop wanting to talk to me.  I am going to enjoy this time while it is here.   So what about you?  What are some of the things you do to get to know, and spend some time with your kids?

This is a Valentine’s Day tip for all of you Startup Daddies and Startup Mommies out there.  The best way to show your spouse you really care about them is to do the little things that take a more thought than money.  At least that is how it is in our house.  Go buy a Valentine’s Day card, and mail it to your spouse today.  If you mail something to someone in the same city, it will get there the next day (that is, everywhere I have lived).  So make an excuse to go to the grocery store.  They all sell cards and stamps now, and most have a mailbox right out front.  You know you need diapers, or eggs, or vodka, whatever.  Fill out the card, and mail it to your significant other.  Get another card, of course, to give them in the morning.  Make sure they open the mail tomorrow, and when they see your thoughtful gesture, instant brownie points.

None of us need a Greeting Card Holiday  to remind us that we love the people in our lives.  It sure makes a great excuse though. Do something a little special tomorrow.  Go out to lunch, buy a bottle of wine to share after the kids are asleep, anything.  The reason we work hard is to make life as good as we can for our family, right?  So stop, and appreciate what you have.  Even if you have no romantic interest in your life, I am sure you have someone you can tell you love them.  So tell them.

What inexpensive things do you do to show the important people in your life you care?

This has more to do with the Daddy than the Startup, but this is how I spent Super Bowl Sunday. About 4 am, our oldest daughter comes into the room. “I don’t feel so good.” Great day to come down with a cold! She didn’t wake me up, because this is about the time the baby is placing her breakfast order. While the missus took care of the baby’s breakfast, I put the oldest back to bed. So started the manliest day of the year.

There was a time when Super Bowl Sunday meant friends, food, beer, and some football to top it off. How times have changed. Instead of the 12 hour Fox Super Bowl Pre-game show, we get Disney Channel and Noggin at our house. Handy Manny is more interesting than Terry Bradshaw anyway.

Lucky for me, I got my daughter into watching football. We sit there for a bit on a Sunday afternoons, and she hangs out with dad and does her touchdown dance when either team scores. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t watch a whole game (or even a half) but we have a good time for as long as her attention span allows. She really likes the Fox football player robot, too. Thank goodness for DVR.

I record the games I’m interested in, and watch them at night, when everyone is asleep. You’d be surprised. You can watch a whole game, every play, only fast forward the commercials and between-play mulling around, in about an hour and half. Just remember to set it to record about a half hour extra, or you will find yourself missing the end of an exciting overtime game on occasion.

I was lucky tonight. Startup Mommy had things well under control with the baby, and my daughter has a vested interest in the game. It seems the main characters in the animated movie Madagascar, are called the New York Giants, by someone at some point in the movie. She has a team to root for! That and she said that it wasn’t fair that the Patriots won all of their games. Apparently everyone is supposed to get a chance to win. What do you want? She’s four. I thought I would wait another few weeks before I teach her the harsh reality of life. We actually got 3 quarters of very inconsistent watching in. (I’m in Phoenix so things got started around 4:30). It worked out perfectly. The Giants scored to go ahead just about at my daughter’s bed time. So I hit pause, my daughter satisfied that the Giants were ahead, and went to read some books and put her to bed.

After she fell asleep, I went back to watch the end of the game. I’m from Miami originally, and a very big Dolphins fan. Sorry if I just lost some readers. The very first football game I got to see live, was Jets vs Dolphins, in the Orange Bowl, during the 1972 season. That’s right, the STILL, only remaining perfect season. Like I said, for me, things worked out perfectly. A perfect end to a perfect day.

How did you get some game-time in ?